


A Clean-Burning Kingdom

by orphan_account



Category: King of the Hill, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Action/Adventure, Conspiracy Theories, Crossover, Friendship, Gen, Good Old Boys, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, In a New World, Insanity, Marriage, Mentions of Cosplay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-13 23:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13580913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sora, Donald and Goofy come upon a magical kingdom of heat, grills, and propane and propane accessories. Will they be able to keep this world from falling into darkness?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So Disney brought 20th Century Fox...alright guys, we all knew this was coming so let's get to it. But first...

 One universe is connected by many hearts. Hearts that guide us, mislead us and leave us. Many warriors have risen and fallen in the battle for the vessel of man's being. In fact, three of them now are combing the stars in search of a way to protect every heart from the ever-present threat of the darkness. Their path is shrouded, but heroes always find their way...

 

"Hey guys," spoke Sora, peering out the cockpit of the Gummi ship. "Check out that place."

 

"What about it?" Donald squinted his eyes at the sphere, trying to see what was so special about the barely cluttered mass.

 

"It looks kinda...weird."

 

"Gawrsh Sora," Goofy said. "Aren't all the worlds we visit a  _little_ weird?"

 

Sora sighed as he blew out the corner of his mouth. "Yeah but this place...it's just a little...off."

 

"Well..." Donald sighed. "It does have a keyhole..."

 

"Okay okay, let's see what's down there." Sora said as the Gummi ship made preparations for landing.

 

"I mean, there can't be anything scarier than the Heartless, right?"


	2. Dark Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank Hill tries to prepare for an upcoming festival but shadowy varmints disrupt the idle peace of Arlen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now let's get this started. Are you ready? I'm ready. Who's ready for some darkness?!

"Yep."

 

"Yep."

 

"Mmm-hm."

 

"Yep."

 

It's a sunny yet breezy day in Arlen. Rays of light kiss the tips of freshly cut grass on meticulously groomed lawns, insects soar around trashcans left out for the following trash day and four middle-aged men stand on the curb drinking their beer while watching time flutter by. Friends since childhood, these men need no words to strengthen the bond between them. They are content to stand in silence and admire the world for what it is. Words would only loosen the string that unites their hearts toget---

 

*BELCH*

 

"Dangit Bill..." Hank griped as he tried to wave off the stench emanating from Bill's direction. "Don't these alleyways stink enough in the summer?"

 

"Sorry Hank." Bill gave a sheepish smile while patting his stomach. "I'm just trying to make some room for the food at the Strickland Fair on Friday."

 

"How are you going to make room for something that doesn't happen for two days?" Dale scoffed before taking a drag on his cigarette. "What, are you just going to stop eating and drinking for 48 hours and...actually, that might be a good plan for you. Go for it Bill."

 

"ManItellyouaboutthisdangolfairmancan'tbeexcitedforitenoughwiththefunnelsandtheshakesandthemusicandfunforthewholefamilyman." Boomhauer said before taking a swig of his beer.

 

Hank gave a warm smile while looking up at the clouds. "Yeah, it'll be a great day to laugh, spend time with family and celebrate the beauty of our lady Propane."

 

"Speaking of spending time with family, Hank, did you remember to tell Bobby to come inside early?" Dale peered at Hank from behind his mirrored shades.

 

"Yes but...don't you think we're making a mountain out of a molehill here? I mean, all that happened were..."

 

"A series of attacks." Dale blew out a gust of smoke. "From unknown assailants. Each one left their victim in a comatose state. Almost like they were dead...there's something happening here gentlemen. Something eerie like a lone candle in an abandoned house, a girl playing hopscotch out at night or a Mountain Dew left to bake in the sun. Something sinister is at work and I don't think we're going to like the answer when we find it out."

 

Bill shrugged and added, "Or it could just be those damn teens."

 

"Mmm-hm." The men grunted in unison.

 

After a couple of more gulps of Alamo and a few more paces of the sun across the sky, a boy on a bike slowed down to a stop in front of them.

 

"Bobby, where have you been?" Hank's previously warm expression turned into a scowl as he looked down on the nervously smiling boy.

 

"I've been hanging out with Connie and Joseph at the library. We found a book that goes into the history of toilet humor!"

 

Hank shuddered before responding, "As much as I like the idea of you...learning...you know you're supposed be home at 4:00 sharp. You've heard about the attacks."

 

"Yeah dad, I've heard about the attacks. But we probably don't need to worry about them. You see, Connie says the descriptions of the people who have been attacking everybody fits that of a shared hallucination. So if we all remain calm and put down the glue, we can..."

 

"I don't want to hear it. In the house. Now."

 

Bobby sighed as he walked his bike onto the lawn of the Hill residence, parked it outside the sliding door and walked inside.

 

"Ooh-la-la, Bobby and Connie. You know, I thought those two were history." Bill joked.

 

"They  _are_. They were just hanging out together. Joseph was there too." Hank said as he wore an exasperated expression on his face.

 

"Joseph knows not to get involved in matters of the heart. The last time he did, he ended up with a black eye from a 5'2 poet from Tom Landry." Dale finished the rest of his beer. "You'd be surprised how much a frog punch can hurt."

 

Hank rolled his eyes before turning around. "It's getting late. I should get inside."

 

"Oh, come on Hank. It's still light outside." Bill gave Hank a pleading smile.

 

"Yeah but I got the strange feeling I forgot something. I should go inside and find it before it gets too dark."

 

"Alright Hank, you do your stuff but..." Dale flipped his shades up, revealing his beady eyes. "...keep a light on."

 

Hank groaned as he deposited his beer in the recycle bin and walked inside his humble abode. Now a man's home should be his castle, and Hank's home is no exception. Strong walls that hold up a ceiling that had careful maintenance performed on it since day one of buying the house, two bedrooms that are always kept clean no matter what week it is, a den that has been cleaned up since it held a niece that got around, a closet with a nice computer in it, and a kitchen that has state-of-the-art appliances like a blender and...well, it has what most kitchens need anyway. And what Hank needs right now is now is rooting around in the fridge, looking for a package of baby carrots.

 

"How's it going, Peggy?" Hank asked as Peggy fished out a small plastic bag of miniature vegetables.

 

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Just trying to survive in these trying times." Peggy responded before the bag open with her teeth. "Hank, I think I know the real cause of these attacks."

 

Hank rubbed his neck while furrowing his brow. "Come on Peggy, don't tell me you got a wild theory too. What with the candles and the hopscotches and the drugs..."

 

Peggy shook her head. "No Hank. This theory isn't wild because you know that it's coming from three-time substitute teacher of the year winner, Peggy Hill. Now you know how these attackers have been described as "small with yellow eyes" right? Well, I've heard rumors of a jaundice outbreak recently. Do you know who is the most infected by jaundice? That's right: children. So some children must have been infected by a strain of the yellow disease and are lashing out at a world that can do little for them!"

 

Hank just looked at Peggy before saying, "So...are you ready for the Strickland Fair?"

 

"Oh yeah Hank, you better believe this cool mother is ready for the fair. It'll be such a ball with the pies and the music and the streamers..."

 

"Streamers!" Hank almost shouted before catching himself. "That's what I forgot! I better get to the store before it's too late."

 

Hank headed back outside and walked out to his truck. Just as he was getting in, Peggy shouted out after him. "Be careful Hank! Remember the jaundice kids!"

 

"Don't worry, Peggy." Hank said in a tone normal enough that he wasn't sure if she could hear him. "If that's the case, I'm sure that they'll be more afraid of me than me of them." Hank closed the door, turned the key in the ignition and drove off to his destiny.

 

At the Mega Lo Mart, Hank walked through the tools aisle after having found the streamers.

 

 _Hmm, I could always use a new sledgehammer..._ thought Hank before he was interrupted by a sudden scream.

 

An employee fell down on his back while backing away from an unseen threat. "Stop!" He shouted. "Don't come any closer! I'll call security!" Hank stepped out of the aisle to see what was wrong, and was shocked to see a short, vaguely humanoid creature with a round head and glowing yellow eyes. Its twisted antennae twitched as it approached the boy. Hank was surprised by the appearance of the living silhouette and was even more surprised to see something that looked like a cartoon heart float out of the boy's chest and into its three-fingered hands.

 

"Hey!" Hank shouted, not content to just stand by and let what appears to be an assault in the most fantastic use of the word continue. The creature jerked its head over to Hank, the heart already absorbed into itself, and leapt at him. Hank cringed away before a couple of icicles impaled the beast, causing it to poof away into nothingness. Hank looked ahead to see who his mysterious savior was.

 

"Is...is that a duck?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it really starts...


	3. The Most Magical Place On Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank meets the Trinity and finds his world torn asunder. But most importantly, what's Dale's reaction to all of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who likes first meetings? Who? Everybody, that's who. Get ready for some of that.

Hank stared at the bipedal waterfowl standing in front of him. His face didn't know whether to be confused or disturbed. Is this a prank? A costume? A hallucination caused by something in the air?

 

"Hey!" The aquatic bird shouted, knocked Hank out of his daze. "What are doing just looking at me? You have to get out of here!"

 

"I don't...it don't...what?" Hank stammered, not noticing another Shadow rising from the floor behind him. No, all Hank could hear was a loud CLANG as a shield smashed the creature to the ground, causing it to dissipate into a dark mist. Hank turned around only to be greeted with a dog faced gentleman who gave him a rather silly smile. "BWAAH!!!"

 

"Sorry sir. Didn't mean to spook ya." The canine man said sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

"I'm not spooked, it's just...I mean...who are you guys?"

 

A boy with a large object slung over his shoulders walked up to the side of the duck and smiled. "I'm Sora," he said as he pointed to himself, "that's Donald," he added as he pointed to the duck, "and that's Goofy." he finished by pointing to the dog-faced man. "We're here to investigate the Heartless."

 

Hank looked over the trio, their clothes growing louder with each passing minute. The one called Sora was wearing a black overjacket with grey pockets and stripes of the same color on each sleeve. His hood, sleeves and jacket have a red lining and six buttons that could be seen on the front. Underneath that he wore a black shirt with a V-neck collar and a white lining. He also wore gauntlets that were designed like his jacket with the exception of a grey circle on that back. He had black shorts with armored sidings that appear to be attached by red straps that wrap around his legs. His shoes were black and yellow, drawing some attention away from his gaudy crown necklace.

 

And that hair. What kind of gel...ugh.

 

The duck wore a short, light blue coat over his jacket with bell-like sleeves, gold lining and cuffs, a turtleneck-esque collar, and two sliver vertical zippers present on his jacket. He tapped his foot impatiently and glared at Hank, causing Hank to look at the dog-faced man for relief. Hank tried to remember his name. Goofy, wasn't it?

 

Anyway, Goofy was wearing a sleeveless, orange shirt with a high, yellow collar. Overtop that, he was wearing a misshapen, blue piece of clothing over his right half, held on by a black strap attached by yellow, star-shaped buttons. He also had a thick, metal belt around his waist with two blue straps looping around the back of it. His pants were baggy and orange with a seam down the front of each leg. The bottom of the legs were black with gold lining. His shoes were made of metal with the toes curling upward.

 

Hank furrowed his brow at the way they were dressed. This is beyond California style or even Portland weirdness. These "people" seem to be dressed like they're from a different country altogether. Of course, they could always be...you know...

 

_...Cosplayers._

 

"Look uh, "Sora" was it? I'm really grateful to you and your friends for saving me from those...uh..."

 

"Heartless." Goofy said helpfully.

 

"Yes, the...Heartless. I'm sorry but what are those things and why are they attacking this town?"

 

"The Heartless are manifestations of the darkness that reside in everybody's heart." Sora answered with a solemn expression. "The darker the heart, the more powerful the heartless."

 

"...I see. Well, this has been a big eye-opener for me. I'm just going to go pay for my things and leave you guys to hunt these...Heartless or whatever you call them."

 

Donald put his hands (feathers?) on both his hips and scoffed. "Okay. Just point us in the direction of Rainey Street and you can get out of here." 

 

Hank cringed. "Did you say Rainey Street?"

 

"Yeah, Rainey Street. That's where the highest concentration of darkness is coming from."

 

Hank was hoping to keep this entire mess in the store and away from his house. However, if what these people are saying is true, then his street could soon be under attack by more of these things. Peggy, Bobby and the other could all have their hearts taken because he couldn't trust these...professionals?

 

Hank sighed and said, "Okay, I can take you back there if you don't mind sitting in the cargo area. But try not to make too much noise when you're with me, alright?"

 

"Gotcha!" The trinity said in unison.

 

"See, that's what I'm afraid of."

 

So after Hank paid for his streamers and ignored the stares from the other shoppers as the four of them exited Mega Lo Mart, he loaded the warriors into the back of his pick-up truck and drove off. The honks he got from the other drivers were almost too embarrassing to bear, but Hank soldiered on and stoically transported his goods without reaction until he was back in his drive way.

 

"Okay..." Hank whispered as he got out of the car. "...we're here. Now let's see if we can talk before anybody shows u---"

 

"HANK!!!" 

 

Hank was startled by the shout and even more startled to see his wife, son and neighbors outside his house. Peggy ran forward and embraced him as he stood there, frozen, praying that his new "friends" would just stay in the back.

 

"Oh Hank, We saw the news report about the attack on the Mega Lo Mart and we thought something terrible happened to you!" Peggy said before Hank chuckled nervously.

 

"Well...you know me. Tough as nails. You don't have to worry about anything happening as long as I'm her---"

 

"Dad!" Bobby shouted from the alleyway. "Come introduce us to these people from the back of your truck!"

 

Hank facepalmed as Peggy released him to see what all the noise was about. As the two walked into the alleyway, they were greeted by a semi-circle of people having been formed around the colorful heroes. Hank tried to throw sand over the fire by stating, "Now now, it's nothing to get excited over. I mean, they're just..."

 

"Goofy and Donald Duck!" Bobby exclaimed.

 

"...What?"

 

"Hank, I didn't know you were bringing entertainment to the party on Friday?" Peggy chimed in with a smile.

 

"...Huh?"

 

Nancy squeezed herself away from the group and walked over to Hank and Peggy. "Sug, don't tell me you never heard of Donald and Goofy. From the Disney cartoons?"

 

Hank rubbed the back of his head while trying to keep his eyes off the fussed over trio. "Well, no actually. I didn't watch a lot of cartoons when I was a kid. All I remember is Mickey Mouse."

 

"Did you say Mickey? He's our king!" Goofy shouted from the mini-crowd of people gathered around him.

 

"Hear that? They said that Mickey is their king!" Luanne giggled while clapping her hands. "Ah, I love Disneyland."

 

Bill sized the three of them up. "So, it's Donald Duck, Goofy and...hm. I don't recognize you. Are you from one of their new movies?"

 

Sora put both of his hands behind his head. "Uh...I'm Sora. I'm from Destiny Islands."

 

"Destiny Islands? Is that in the Caribbean because you look kind of...pale."

 

"Woah!" Joseph paced around Sora as his target of interest tried to keep up with him. "You have a LOT of zippers."

 

"Uh, potions mostly."

 

Kahn snorted. "Potions huh? Seems like this boy likes to unwind illegally. Is there a bong in those leggings of yours too?"

 

"What?" Sora showed a confused expression as Minh walked over to join the two of them.

 

"Relax Kahn. I'm sure potion is just street slang for soda or something. What I'm worried about is all the gel it took to get his hair like that!"

 

Connie inspected Donald closely. "Wow, your costumes are so realistic." She proceeded to hold Donald's bill shut for a couple of seconds. 

 

"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Donald protested as he slapped her hand away. Connie just giggled.

 

"And your voices are spot on too!"

 

Soon, a hand found its way to Sora's shoulder. He turned around to see Dale giving him a stern look.

 

"Your name's Sora right?"

 

"Um...yes?"

 

Dale turned away. "Follow me...there's something I'd like to know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and remember to feed that conspiracy theorist you keep in the basement!

**Author's Note:**

> Can you wait? I can't...


End file.
